My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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