It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
