yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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