College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
