I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
