peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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