Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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