why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
