If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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