You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
