He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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