I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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