Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
