Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
