I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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