When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
