would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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