Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.

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(972): View more from Texas

Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

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(716): View more from New York

You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.

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(214): View more from Texas

Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.

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(208): View more from Idaho

It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it

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(845): View more from New York

I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

You were feeding it to the bartender last night

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.

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