Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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