I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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