OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
