Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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