I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
