Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
