Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
