Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
