dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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