You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
BRING THE BAGELS
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I supernannyed him into submission
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