Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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