Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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