ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
