dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
