I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
a search helicopter?!
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
