Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I want to be your penis for a week.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
