: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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