is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
