I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
