Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
