Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
