I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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