there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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