the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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