you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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