I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
