oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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