Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I touched a dick in church today
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