The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I wish they made helmets for livers.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
