UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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