those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
