Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
