ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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