In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Fuck appropriateness.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
