i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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