I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
