none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
did you just send me my own nude
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize