if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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