One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
