Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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