im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
