So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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