So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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