"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
