Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
