there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
