some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
