We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
