guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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