I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
