He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
