I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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