Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize