You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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