Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
handjob tips. give me some.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize