i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
