if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
