He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
