Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
