Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
