I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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