I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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