I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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