Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
