She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
