dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
