Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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