Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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