I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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