I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
