Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
