she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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