He is such a slut. More and more my type.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
