He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
