he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
