24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
