This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
