Soap is not a condiment
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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