I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize