oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize