I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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