I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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