Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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