Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
