No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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