There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just saw a hot homeless man
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
